My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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