just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
