her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
