Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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