I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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