Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
