Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
