I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
