Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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