She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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