How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
