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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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