me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
