make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize