You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
