Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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