Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
