So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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