tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Randomize
