he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
