Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
