Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
