I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
