we're blogging at a bar
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
