Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
