I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
