I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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