dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
