Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
