i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
