I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
