You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
