Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
