Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
