My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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