if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
