After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
