i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
