you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
