I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
