So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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