he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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