She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
