Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
