i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He called his prostate his "boner button".
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
