I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
