It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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