If that was your dad, he is hot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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