I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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