The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
