I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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